What A Hot Mess: May 2009

Time to bust out those patchwork pants and hemp jewelry, cuz here is a list of the 10 worst jam bands you are totally embarassed you used to follow around from state to state during your summers off from college.

10. The Samples- these guys hold the record for playing every new england prep school from 91-93. They got their name from eating samples at the supermarket back in the day, get it...the samples, like the ones they offer at grocery stores, very clever.

9. Moe.- i think david cross was in this band, and hey with an album cover like this, you cant go wrong:

8. The String Cheese Incident- Another gift from the Rocky Mountains SCI also benefit from having an extremely stupid name. Although they are old enough to have started their band in the 60's they decided to wait until '93 to put the band on the map, having recently coming down from a 25 year acid trip.

7. The Ominous Seapods- The cartoon chick on the cover getting carried away by the alien is the hottest piece of ass you will ever get close to seeing anywhere near this band.

6. Widespread Panic- Although they made a name for themselves in southern rock as well, these guys cannot run from the mark of the jam band, with legions of their fans "spread heads" following them all over, these guys were like bob seager meets phish.

5. The Disco Biscuits- These guys were trying to bring jam into the 21st century with their spaced techno vibe, but still keeping it real with tracks like this:

4. God Street Wine- Another band in the prep school kids tape collection, was an underground favorite and although their height was in the early 90's they made a come back in 99 to the delight of all 10 of their fans:

3. The Spin Doctors- Dont get fooled by their commercial success, these guys were 100% jam band, dropping acid before shows and performing all goofy lending themselves to the stereotype of the 90's post-modern hippie. Recent reports signaled that the lead singer is still putting out records to fuel his crack habit.

2. Rusted Root- This band was as crucnchy as it got, from their travelling drum circle to the hot chicks hairy arm pits, this multi-racial love in was as corny as it got.

Rusted Root - Send Me On My Way
Uploaded by abessolo

1. Phish- These guys were the ones who started it all before drug problems and an ass kicking by the hells angels. Despite the bass players pedophilia, the band actually made some memorable moments for music, however the whole thing got spoiled when jerry garcia died and all of the sudden these guys were bigger than the beatles. Which was not right for them, these guys were the loveable geeks, who were fine until they thought they were the most popular kids in school, thanks Jay-Z!